…Hello, yes, yes I can hear you back in the Bypass studio! Hi Everybody! Debbs at the microphone here…Well here we are in Bedford, just days away from the historic arrival of the Olympic torch as it passes through literally hundreds of other places all of which have gotten really over excited and prove that mass hysteria can and does exist. On Sunday the eternal flame will skirt by almost missing the town itself before it heads off down London Rd. Hopefully the torch carriers won’t get mugged down there as its daylight and all that rubbish at they corner of Faldo Rd might get moved!
Well the crowds are forming here already and we still have two days to go, its packed making Kings Cross Station look like an open field! Plenty of cheap day glo gizmos for sale, whirly lights all made in China by prisoners and coated with lead paint! All the roads will be closed just like last year when the council screwed up with the roadworks, this time round the entire town will be sealed off to make sure no one misses out on being inconvenienced, huge groups of people the likes of which were last seen on Saturday night in search of pig swill lager and kebabs will throng and gorp at the telly cameras. No such culimary finery when the torch comes through though you can get an overpriced low quality full English breakfast courtesy of the “jump on board the cash cow” squad at The Swan.
And why not if you were running a tuppeny hapenny business in a semi derelict town wouldn’t you try and squeeze a bit more out of euphoria struck semi dazed people with nothing better to do but get worked up about a mass produced fire lighter type thing that’s supposed to contain a connection with some original flame but we’ve actually seen them having to relight it more than a few times. Not that we’ve been watching mind!
It’s the most exciting thing since the A6 murders back in the 1960s, we thought having a German tourist shot dead at the River Festival some years back was good publicity, this just eclipses it!
Let’s go over and ask this punk girl what she thinks about the razzamatazz…”Hi I’m Debbs from Bedford Bypass, what’s your name and what are you looking forward to”
Debbs, you know its me Jenn, I’m your best mate stop pissing about with your phone that your mum gave you, someone will nick it, your late and why are you pretending to be some sort of journalist, is this for that weird uncle of yours.