Tag Archives: Kate’s tits.

Online Shopping with Bedford Bypass!

11 Apr

Wow…your opportunity to wear what all the best dressed anarchists round Bedford are wearing! Yes we are giving you the chance to wear what we wear whilst supporting a very very very good cause!
Now you might notice our little strapline at the top has changed and we are proud to say we are “Prone to Mischief: All is True” as it sums us up, but more than that its from Shakespeare’s Henry VIII and appears thus

BUCKINGHAM
To th’ King I’ll say ‘t, and make my vouch as strong as shore of rock. This holy fox, or wolf, or both, for he is as prone to mischief as he is subtle, and as prone to mischief as able to perform it, only to show his pomp as well in France as here at home, suggests the King to this last costly treaty, the ceremony that swallowed so much treasure and like a glass did break i’ th’ rinsing.

Topless photograph shocker!

Topless photograph shocker!

The “All is True” bit is an alternative title to the little seen play and together they make a perfect tee shirt to wear whilst sitting in The Bear of a late Saturday afternoon! The slogan is also available as a badge and like we said all purchases go to an extremely good cause and will in a small way help to maintain a time honoured tradition so if you want to go out in style and get all your mates asking what it means for just over £11quid plus postage you’ll be able to quote the above and really impress people with your literary knowledge! Best learn a few bits from other Shakespeare plays to add to the effect i.e. drink a few pints, show your bum and say I’m a lord (Sly from Taming of the Shrew although they sometimes dispense with his character).
Anyway show your support for the new Bedford Bypass strapline of “Prone to Mischief: All is true” and by clicking on the link below you will be transported in an instant to our favourite virtual shop! Head for the clothing section or feel free to wander about!

http://www.rsc.org.uk/shop/browse/

Cloth or metal, your choice!

Cloth or metal, your choice!

News Headlines (Directors Cut)

13 Mar

Well we go over to Gill in the Vatican City square where Pope Frankie has just come out on the balcony to the applause of thousands of sad and senile people, what’s the mood like over in Rome Gill?

What you on about? I’m sat on your front room settee

Well we want to ask some serious questions, how come he gets elected and they have Pope costume that fits, does he have to go back to home to Argentina and pack his clothes, what about his cat, and the milkman. Not that there’s anything other than a purely dairy related relationship between Pope Frankie and the milkman.

Your’e obviously feeling better after that hideous cough and all that!

Yes, thanks Gill, the new pope is the first non European pope and its obviously a real big deal despite both his parents being Italian and him not looking south American in the least, is there anybody about you can ask, a nun or some weird teenager that needs a hobby?

I’m going home soon, I tell you what, I can’t think of many religions where there’s a top dog. You don’t get it in Islam and as far as I’m aware there’s no one above that Canterbury bloke. This pope was a chemist before he became a priest at the age of 32 so he might have…you know…er..life experience…

Buddhists have the Daily Llama, like a sort of small camel I think!

He’s already being described as against homosexual relationships and durex although as far as I’m aware he’s not mentioned any specific brand. I only added that to simplify things!

So nothing’s really changed then, one went gaga and died, his replacement didn’t die and now there’s a new one who seems to be as surprised at winning as all the people outside. Was Alan Sugar involved, or him with the daft hair?

Hey I’ve found a picture of him on Facebook, he looked different on the news, this might be an old one, or photoshopped.

Time for me to go, total dribble this blog if you ask me. Anyway how do you know the new pope has got a cat?

The new pope. According to Google!

The new pope. According to Google!

Bypass kept quiet about Royal Rumpy!

4 Dec

Bedford Bypass almost revealed an exclusive a few weeks ago, we knew Kate Middleton Windsor Wales was tubbed up two weeks back however having got a draft copy of the Leveson Report and getting away with showing that picture of Kate’s tits in those golden summer days of July however we opted to stay quiet! We got wind that both Wills and Kate had signed up for the latest I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here and were actually in the jungle with Nadine Dorries ex Doctor Who Colin Baker and some soap star wishing to take a shower quite regularly!

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Under a cloak of secrecy designed to boost the piss poor shows ratings Wills and Kate were smuggled into camp in a wicker basket with some stinky sheets on top to put the paparazzi off the scent!
For the first few days, to give the royal couple chance to get the gist of sleeping on the floor camera’s didn’t film them but then one day it all went wrong!
Former 80s pop star Limahl from Jackanory told Bedford Bypass “ It was awful, Kate had just eaten some fried kangaroo arsehole and instantly grabbed Colin Baker’ floppy hat, we thought she was trying to impersonate his Dr Who character but then she wretched into it, serious volumes, three big heaves, sounded like a cow in pain” Fellow contestant Nadine Dorries said “ We all crowded round, after all its not every day you get to see one of the royal family puking up kanagaroo bits into Patrick Troughton’s hat do you!

Ex Dr WHo Colin Baker

Ex Dr WHo Colin Baker

Things just went from bad to worse according to camp insiders and it was after Kate had spent the night bringing up yellow bile with insect bit’s and a foul stench around the fire that we realised that this wasn’t just a reaction to Emu gizzards and that she had all the symptoms of morning sickness even though it was late! Nadine who’s has brought three daughters into the world and seemingly got most of them on the payroll was able to confirm the diagnosis. Arrangements were made for the royal twosome to sneak out!

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It was sad to see them both leave said that top heavy girl from Coronation St as I was hoping to compare our attributes, I think mine are much bigger!
Now at Bedford Bypass we respect the royal family’s right to privacy so we agreed to sit on this until Kate Wales or whatever she’s called and her bun in the oven became common knowledge.
We wish Kate well as she sits in the ante natal unit in St Guys looking at old copies of Hello magazine while she waits to be seen!

The Royal Tits

16 Sep
Kate's tits

Kates’s tits

There you go! Kate’s tits. Isn’t your life much better, you are complete. Breath again the crisp air of satisfaction for you…you have gazed upon the Royal Mams.  The same week that the entire nation learnt that there had been a massive 23 years cover up by South Yorkshire Police and the state  over Hillsborough, our attention was soon diverted away from this by Kate’s tits. Aren’t we so easily distracted. Yes we are. A nation that is as thick as pig shit. Over 100 people died, a massive cover up. lies, lies, lies, and Kate’s tits comes along to give us something proper to go on about.

A few years back when the media were camped out on Kate’s doorstep I thought it would be really funny if she came out with a brew and toast and just stood there watching them. Maybe sweep the step. Demystify the whole thing.

I’m going to take this a bit further and suggest that there should be an official photo of the Royal Tits and Royal Todger. Bit like when they have one of our sour faced Queen at Christmas. An official pic of Harry, Wills and Kate in the buff. Not all together mind though I’m quite easy! That’s it. Kill the whole thing dead. Then we get over the oodling and gazing and slowly we learn to focus on at the important things in life. The Police, that every ready tool of the state stood back while people died. Then they blamed the dead. Then the living, then Liverpool in general. We now know the truth, not of all of it. Something the anarchist and liberatrian movement have known for decades is that the Police service is an instrument of the state. Its a complex relationship which conveys favour and support both ways.  Cameron’s statement a few days back could have been made by numerous Prime Ministers over the the last 20+ years as they all knew. Liverpool knew and Liverpool dug deep and refused to go away. So it was inevitable that the current PM would be forced onto centre stage.

In the meantime if you want a decent topless photo of Kate Middleton who married into a family of parasites here’s one!

Off with her top!

Off with her top!

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