Apparently the big craze in the City involves international companies engaging consultants to come in on huge day / session rates to teach “mindfullness and wellbeing techniques to your executives. Jon Kabat Zinn’s name keeps cropping up.
Not to miss out on what seems like a rich seam, here at BedfordBypass we are prepared after some consideration to reveal the secret of the inner calm and tranquility that hovvers over our very being and essence!
The ancient country of Sepharia and its occupants have gone into history, lore and legend as being a great peaceful race of people famous for their ability to just…well…get on so well with everyone. Plunderers and pirates, warlords would arrive on the beach ready for a bit of pludering and so on and be instantly filled with a sense of calm! Swords down lads, we are playing hide and seek!
The Sephariums practiced an art known as Sepharium Orb Therapy. A sphere specially constructed from colours known to exude happines and release joy in the human psyche would be passed from person to person at gatherings. The Orb / sphere would capture bad karma and nasty intent and these would be captured before the orb was passed to the Sepharia Master, who would quite physically stab the Orb with a sacred dagger killing off the captured negative what nots contained within. I know what I mean!
Anyway, the secrets of Ancient Sepharia are now yours providing of course you have just £1000 to book one of our trained experts to come visit your workforce for the day.
The session begins with some relaxation tips and then as a group we partake in some breathing exercise to bring life to the Orb. Part of your soul it is believed will go into the Orb!
As we sit in a shape resembling the outline of the Island of Sepharia we then allow the Orb to visit everyone in the session by gently throwing it at someone close by, remember the Orb must never be allowed to touch Mother Earth, if it does our Sepharia Master will be required to start the process again so do your best to catch it. If you catch it twice..feel very special, you are blessed.
The Sepharia Master will decide how long the session lasts though if Gill is your guide this will usually coincide with closing times at Rough Trade Records down Brick Lane. If it’s me I’ll be visiting some special shops round Soho.
Remember Sepharium Orb Therapy will guarantee the wellbeing of your key personnel. Profits will soar, and you will feel so good you’ll want to book us again.
So for just £1000 your happiness is just an email away. Money up front as the Spirits of Sepharia will be angry if you waste our time, your lift will break down. Now it takes a lot to piss the Sepharium’s off so this is just for advice.
For an extra £150, all participants will receive a Sepharium Orb of their own as a souvenir, hand crafted in a large factory in China, these Orbs are genuine replica’s of the one that we will use in your session. Limited to eight per group though we will usually have others available for cash!
So don’t delay. Get in touch today! Remember Sepharia is a bit like Narnia and Oz. It’s special, you won’t find it on any map!